Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
