btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
