just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
