just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
