dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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