i permit you to call me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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