My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
