its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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