ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
