I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
