the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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