so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
