based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
