Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
