You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
