Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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