are you still at the devil's house?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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