omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
