I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
