ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize