Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
