beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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