I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I seem to have left my pride at pride
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
