Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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