I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
