make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize