I am puke
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
