How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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