you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
