marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize