We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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