he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
