We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
