Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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