Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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