I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
