When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
