omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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