It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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