I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
