This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
