T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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