I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
