Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
