You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She told me I should be a condom model.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
