i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
