I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
