one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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