The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
