I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
