his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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