my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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