Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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