I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
