I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
