he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
