I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
