And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
