Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
