eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
