never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize