I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love having hate sex.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
