before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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