Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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