Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's shark week go big or go home
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
