Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
