I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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