I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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