I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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