I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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