The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
