Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize